“Turn back the clock 20 years and be who I am today but with the vitality of my 30-something self? You mean it?”
It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.
A rare flight of fancy it is not. Who hasn’t wished they could step back in time and relive the lost moments of their lives from a clearer and more enlightened perspective?
“What do I have to do?” I inquire of the ether.
“What do I have to do?!!!!” I yell it at the top of my lungs into an abyss of unknowing.
Still, no answer.
“Why do you taunt me so?” I mope. “You’ve made an offer I’m not likely to refuse and then you leave me suspended in disbelief. I made my commitment yet you have reneged on yours. Why?”
Still there is silence.
I sit quietly … waiting. How much good I could do with my life taking the knowledge I have now back 20 years to a new mid-life beginning. As it is, I feel I am in a race against the clock, trying to accomplish much with all that I’ve learned while living in a body battling the ravages of time.
“You can’t go back …”
“Huh? Who said that?” I must know.
“You can’t go back …”
“Well … that’s beginning to look blatantly obvious,” I growl. “You, whoever you are, have deceived me.”
“No, you have deceived yourself. Take what you know now, use the resources you have and start here. You’re in a race against the clock and the more you lament for the past the more precious time you waste in the present. Your future depends upon it.”
“But … but …” I sulk.
“Make this the offer you can’t refuse … the ability to live with an open heart and an open mind, and a grace that enables you to move with the flow of life and live in a state of acceptance. Be present in your life and live in every moment. You will see a great and positive change, I promise you.”
With a sigh I concede my lot. There is no going back. The new offer is the one that cannot be refused. I’ve lived enough of my life in the past already.
If I’d known then, what I know now … Who hasn’t had that conversation with themselves? Never mind this writing exercise (which I may have snuck in to 10 minutes) I really do feel that living my life now, with all that I’ve learned and am learning is a race against the clock. And I don’t like racing.
Having come through a health crisis and still walking the road to recovery I value every moment of pure energy I have at my disposal to live the life I love. Still, in my wistful moments I do wander what it would be like to live through my 30s as the more grounded and mindfully-living person I am now.
Still, if I was offered such an opportunity, would I really take it? Would you?
Thanks for visiting …
©Dorothy Chiotti … Aimwell CreativeWorks 2015