Broken

Daily Prompt: Childhood Revisited

Sure, you turned out pretty good, but is there anything you wish had been different about your childhood? If you have kids, is there anything you wish were different for them?

~*~

“You ask such loaded questions,” Valerie reacted with a hint of chilliness in her voice. “I’m not sure I want to go there.”

“I don’t mean anything by it,” Adam tried to explain innocently. “I just want to get to know you a little better, that’s all.”

Valerie shuffled in her tippy seat at the small cafe table situated on uneven paving stones and stared off into the distance. How could she tell this new lovely man in her life, with whom she’d already been so defensive, that her childhood had not been perfect. That emotional isolation and abuse had formed her and that every day she lived with the self-imposed shame that someone would find out. She took another deep breath and turned her attention back to the eager young suitor sitting opposite.

“Please forgive me, there are just some aspects of my life I’m not willing to share with you. Not yet anyway.” She curled her lips into a pout and took a sip of coffee. “We don’t know each other well enough for me to feel comfortable showing you …” she hesitated. Was the very thing she didn’t want to demonstrate about to reveal itself if she completed this spoken thought.

“Yes?” Adam looked into Valerie’s big, brown, softening eyes that both pleaded for and rejected empathy.

Valerie pinched her lips together and finally decided to take the direct route.

“Look, my childhood was troubled. I practically raised myself emotionally which is why I can be so volatile sometimes. So, if you wonder if I wish my formative years had been different I would say yes. I wish I’d had at least one emotionally stable adult in my life on a consistent basis. One I could trust. That would have made a huge difference. As it is, I’m in my 30s and still find myself floundering my way through stuff that should be really straight forward.” Trembling, she took another sip of coffee and looked him straight in the eye. “I have found that once I open myself up in this way men usually leave.”

Adam sighed. Clearly Valerie was a beautiful, yet complicated, woman. They were only on their third casual date but there was something intriguing about her, and even this obviously difficult revelation on her part could not dissuade him from pursuing her.

“You must think me shallow,” he observed sadly, his gaze never wavering. “But I assure you that as long as you’ll give me a chance, I’m not going anywhere.”

Valerie’s shoulders dropped, all tension seemingly released. She smiled weakly and struggled with her words.

“You must promise me one thing, Adam. … One thing … ”

“Yes, Valerie. Anything.”

Valerie considered for a moment. Was this a man worth giving a chance? There was only one way to find out.

“Okay, Adam, you must promise me you will always be a man of your word. That you will resist the temptation to make promises you cannot possibly keep, and never give me cause to doubt you.”

Adam watched the emotional machinations at work in Valerie’s face even though she was trying so hard to hold back. The twitching corners of her lips; the tears welling up in her eyes and spilling into pools in her mascara-laden eyelashes. Here was a tender soul searching for something he knew he could give ~ emotional strength and stability born out of love. Yes, he already knew it was love, but he had no intention of scaring her with that notion. It would wait.

“Valerie, I know we’re just starting out in our relationship,” he paused as she discreetly blew her nose and dabbed gently at the corners of her eyes, “but I want you to know that there is nothing I want more than to be a source of happiness for you. I understand you more than you know and I’m also aware, from my own experiences, of what it takes to allow yourself to be vulnerable to another. I will not abuse the trust you put in me. I promise.” Adam reached across the table for her hand and Valerie allowed him to take it.

“Thank you, Adam,” she smiled. “And I will do my best to … to be open with you. I promise.”

After a contemplative moment of silence Adam had a suggestion.

“Want to blow this popsicle stand and check out the fair in Schomberg? I hear there’s cotton candy.” He smiled widely, his eyes inviting her to step back in time and free the broken child.

Valerie’s own eyes brightened.

“Oh yes, let’s go!”

~*~

Thanks for visiting …

Dorothy

©Dorothy Chiotti … Aimwell CreativeWorks 2015

Green-Eyed Misery

Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Lady

We all get jealous from time to time —
what wakes the green-eyed monster for you?

~*~

“Will you look at that?” Rodney swooned as a Signature Red Tesla whizzed by down the boulevard. “What I wouldn’t give to get my hands on one of those babies. I’m so envious of that guy. He must be rich, or something.”

Sasha watched the object of his affection round the corner and disappear. “I used to be envious of others,” she said absently as Rodney began to calculate out loud what he’d have to forfeit in his life to afford his dream car.

“I test drove one, you know,” he smiled in memory, ignoring her. “Smooth as butter with a rocket booster. I want one so bad I can hardly stand it. It’s just eating me up inside.”

“And that’s why I gave up being envious,” Sasha said aloud to the unhearing. “I got tired of focusing on such negative energy. By all means, if you want one go for it, but don’t envy someone else for what they have. You don’t know what kind of sacrifices he needed to make in order to buy that car. Not everyone who owns a horse, as they say, is rich.”

Rodney stopped his ruminations. “Sasha, what are you saying? Don’t you ever wish you had something that belongs to someone else? Don’t you ever feel envy?”

Sasha thought for a moment before responding.

“Of course I do. But I don’t dwell on it. I don’t like what that feeling does to me.  When that green-eyed monster rears its ugly head I want to lop it off, impale it on a spike and do the happy dance. I don’t like harbouring this negative beast. I need those waters for more buoyant vessels.”

“Man, you’re so poetic when you speak. I envy that in you.”

“Rodney!!! Do you even hear yourself? Have you not heard a single word I’ve said?” Sasha barked stopping in her tracks on the busy street. Rodney stopped with her. “Don’t envy me,” Sasha demanded. “Uncover your own poetry. The energy you waste on envy could be used to help create the very circumstances you need to manifest your dream ~ be it a car or a single poetic line of thought. I don’t want to feel the burden of your envy, it destroys my ability to enjoy what I have because you make me feel guilty for having it.”

“But I don’t mean it that way,” he defended.

“Of course you don’t, but even as flattery it carries a bad vibe.” Sasha hesitated, not sure if she wanted to take this to the next level. But then she recalled past misery in the arms of her jealous first husband and decided it was time to set things straight before this relationship went any further. “I won’t marry a jealous man. I’ve already been down that road and I won’t go there again.” She twisted the diamond engagement ring on her finger and shuddered.

Rodney’s thoughts stumbled. “Are you … serious?” he finally said, tripping over his words while looking into her forthright, steady brown eyes.

“You know I am. We’ve been together almost two years. When have I ever lied to you? My integrity is not in question. What’s in question is why you are so insecure about your self that you have to lust over what doesn’t belong to you.” She exhaled. “Look, Rodney, I love you, and I do believe we have a future together. However, if you can’t curb that green-eyed monster lurking in there,” she poked at his chest, ” we shall have to re-think this relationship. I’m not sharing my heart with a monster. Monsters squelch all joy, all happiness. I will not travel that road again … not with you; not with anyone.” Sasha turned away and let out a deep sigh. “A little self-awareness goes a long way, Rodney, and I’m beginning to sense you don’t have as much as I thought. This isn’t an ultimatum, but you need to think about your next step, because I certainly am.”

And, feeling a sad confidence, Sasha walked away leaving Rodney, and his green-eyed monster, in her wake.

~*~

A bit of free-writing here.

No two ways about it … the green-eyed monster is an expert at dispensing misery.

Thanks for visiting …

Dorothy

~*~

©Dorothy Chiotti … Aimwell CreativeWorks 2015